what a december.

sutro baths - outer richmond - sf, ca

the holiday season was an absolute success. for the first time in years, i felt absolutely in the spirit from beginning to end. thank you to my family, to john denver and amy grant, to my beautiful friends, and to JL himself for making this month the best it could have been.

onto the new year.

let us be inspired infinitely.

look at all the cheer.

little lights - the lighted tractor parade - calistoga, ca

i love christmastime.

you + me.

woven home - j.m.l.c.e. - there, ca

to be chosen, to be really accepted and seen is far and away the best gift i've ever been given by another human being. i am thankful. i am happy. i am overwhelmed. i really am.

i will never forget yesterday.

people.places.from here to then.

redwood tree - botanic gardens - santa barbara, ca

remember.

humming and hugging with all the lights.

ggb - daytime - sf, ca

the best thing about a favorite place is that it always feels new, even though it's quite familiar. i guess the same applies to special people. and when both collide, the feeling is infinite.

a feast for the heart.

rubber band ball - long time ago - marin, ca

friends, today i am thankful for so many things. i am thankful for my family, my full belly, and the special people who fill my life. thank you, each of you, for being who you are to me :)

happy thanksgiving.

i love you.

ceceslittlegems.

votives - elliot and french - oakland, ca

my friend cecilia has started a blog called LITTLE GEMS.

it is hilarious, trust me.

read it.

love it.

LAUGH.

separately, sure. but, together.

muslin pastels - part of a divine dress - san francisco, ca

today, oddly enough, i encountered three separate people singing opera in three separate locations. the coincidence served as a stitch that linked the layers of my day--the morning to the lunch-hour to the night. quite regal, really--and much softer than you might imagine.

i know it.

my bag - care of guatemala - sf, ca

i am quite sure that my friends are among this generation's truly special individuals--that the wonderful men and women who surround me are going to be the people who others wonder and write about. those who move and shake and vibrate. being a witness to this collective priming for the prime is electric. it is filled with real promise. and feeling as i do, as strongly as i do, is in itself a blessing. we've all got our metaphorical bags packed for the next move.

i can't wait to tell the stories of who we used to be before we were THE.

a bowl of kix and a bundle of broccoli.

silver fox and lamb - thrown - san francisco, ca

this weekend was brief, but it felt longer thanks to the fall-back hour. i made a mom-friendly decision to take it easy on a saturday night despite my twenty-five-year-old instincts, and today i was thankful for it. i slept off a long week. i woke up and lounged in this warm bed. and now i'm ready for the coming week. ready, freddy.

sunday snuggle.

clear skies, green ground - by my mama - torres del paine, chile

sunday, please don't end.

y.o.u.

seaside bungalow - perfect - half moon bay, ca

don't worry about what other people say.

do YOU.

orange and black attack.

latch - pod - napa, ca

GO GIANTS!

might as well just win it.

every day an occasion.

bright - monique lullier trunk show - sf, ca

surround yourself with inspiring things.

then inspire others.

torrential. twenty-something, too.

rainstorm still - powell st - sf, ca

i wish it would've rained today. i wish it would've poured and stormed until the streets were slick and spotted with puddles. the sound of drops against my umbrella would've cured today--it would've drummed away the doubt and distaste of it all.

instead, i walked home with my thoughts until an elderly frenchman stopped me and asked to use my cell phone to call a friend. i said, of course. i dialed the number he'd written in pencil on a piece of notepaper that was rubber-banded to his pocketbook. and i stood there watching his mouth make french sounding english words. a minute later, it was over. his striped, collared shirt and herringbone jacket made their way toward their destination. and there i was again, still unsure of mine.

your time before the break.

a.m. - harbor - half moon bay, ca

ahhh. a little "untitled" d'angelo paired with my coffee served in a tea cup out of a tea pot. i'm learning to love the morning.

n.i.a.r.b.n.i.n.o.i.t.o.m.

spell it have it hold it - grant street - sf, ca

everything is in your head when you think about it. the elation. the anxiety. the calm and the cavernous unknowing. for whatever reason, that very concept is striking me as pretty pivotal. thinking about thoughts about thinking. metacognition is a conundrum.

fill in your own blank.

my postit - my wall - sf, ca

.

[j]oy [l]asting.

that afar - telegraph hill - sf, ca

it's a wonderful thing, experiencing a new place for the first time. lately, i've made it a point to put myself where i've imagined being. to take baby steps outside the box and breath new clouds all over san francisco. yesterday, twin peaks. today, city lights (where i've been meaning to drop in for two and a half years!). i left both locations clutching something--a hand, a book--knowing that i'd be back. but it's the first time, isn't it? that first glimpse of a city made vastly small in the distance. that first crunch of a hard-bound spine. you will retrace and relive those moments over and over. before you know it, they'll have a heartbeat all their own.

direction is relative.

sign - end of the road - half moon bay, ca

there is no right path. there are so many lefts along the way.

savasana sunrise.

wall women - fly bar - sf, ca

this week i've made it a goal to go back to bikram. more than knowing how much i love being there when i actually go, i want to get better at practicing my own advice. i continually encourage those around me to be their own motivation. to believe in themselves--to make and pursue great goals.

so here i go. get on with the get on.

to a full moon future.

footsteps - baker beach - sf, ca

heading to half moon bay tonight to celebrate the future mr. and mrs. nick pedisich.

can't wait to cheers to them over and over. and over :)

rent. lease. sell. OWN.

layers and layers - art murmur - oakland, ca

all day every DAY.

you're glowing. you're going. we're growing.

kiddie cups - baker beach - sf, ca

the only thing better than being in a good place myself--inside, outside, lifeside--is to witness those around me thrive. we're all in a good way.

enter where bargains and budgets collide.

shipping palette - few miles form home - napa, ca

there is something so gratifying about costco. several things, really. the thrill of pushing a super-sized cart through wide isles. the rush of realizing that you can purchase 100 tortillas for $3.00. the insanity of witnessing a mayonnaise jar that huge. the samples. the people-watching. fantasizing, if just for a moment, that you could totally survive within that warehouse space for a lifetime if you really had to.

all i know is that i leave satisfied. yet, always wishing that my items purchased could and would walk themselves up my massive flight of stairs into their respective storage spaces.

alas, organic raspberries and razor blades for everyone!

tuesday and tomorrow.

bleeding heart - claremont avenue - oakland, ca

it's all going to be worth it.

beneath it. looking up.

coit tower - telegraph hill - sf, ca

i often have the feeling that i know everything and nothing all at once.

this is the time[s]. figure it out.

looking east - from my spot on telegraph hill - sf, ca

last week the times put twenty-somethings on blast. while reading the article, i found myself agreeing mostly with what was written. that those of us in our second decade of life are milking any excuse not to kick ourselves in the ass and go for what we want.

sure, further education, teach for america, et. al sound like reasonable decisions, but am i awful for thinking that postponing the plunge into the real world might not be the best idea for everyone who is down on their employment luck? no matter when a young person starts working--with whichever degree in tow--he or she is going to have to work. and to succeed, you have to work fucking hard.

it takes so many thousand dollar paychecks to make a million. and many millions to actually afford that presidio heights palace with a maserati in the driveway.

just saying.

i think we all need to get real. seize our strengths. stop whining. and get back to basics. me included. obviously.

sleep with a broom beneath your bed.

broken mirror - battery street - sf, ca

people will do their damnedest to break your spirit, break your heart, and break you down, whether they realize it or not. thing is, you and i are in control. we are enough to make our own days. everything else is icing. or glass breaking. so, make wise choices. stick to your own rules. and hold fast to your pieces.

wherever i'm with you.

home for a week for the past 12 years - :) - aptos, ca

at the suggestion of a dear, dear friend, i have been devouring tunes by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros. their song home is my current anthem. and in this tiny little 220 beach drive house, it sounds just right.

a[ptos]way.

mom's sunglasses - beach house - aptos, ca

i'm in aptos with my family, enjoying each sun-drenched moment. waking without an alarm and wearing sunscreen instead of makeup is truly suiting me.

:D

when you're alone and in your own head.

behind closed doors - hagafen cellars - napa, ca

be kind to yourself.

lounging in back with a lime wedge.

l line - muni - sf, ca

yesterday evening, while enjoying a few three-dollar tecates with my pal kristy at blackbird, i was reminded why i love san francisco and that very genre of bar. it's low key. approachable. a little moody, but in all the good ways. and there's plenty of room in the back to make friends around the pool table. and, for those of you on a budget, the muni drops you literally steps away from the entrance. i'll be back, that's for sure.

women with their wits about them.

cotton candy sky - 8ish - napa, ca

to someone, you will make complete sense. your oddities. your opinions. your otherwise misunderstood traits. until then, beware of fluffy flock who say all the right things.

eyes on the third fourth prize.

wild sweet peas - muir woods trail - marin, ca

counting down to the weekend.

open a book. simple as that.

dry grasses - somewhere in muir woods - marin, ca

i hope you've been reading. keep that brain alive!

slapping sandals on cement steps.

sunshine neighborhood - from my deck - sf, ca

i spent the day solo, reconnecting with my thoughts. regrouping, if you will. from my roof deck to washington square park, from there to the heights of union street, i walked slowly and let my head jump around. i didn't arrive at any grand conclusion or theory about my present, but i was reminded how absolutely fortunate i am to be living in this vibrant city. with the dogs and the segway tourists, the melting gelato and faces to the sky. what a day.

scheme scheme dream.

rooftop corner - home - napa, ca

i've got a stack of books to read and a list of things to do. but i'm busy scribbling at my desk, plotting my next move.

what is paper when you're glued to the rock?

in that, i believe - ubuntu fundraiser - rutherford, ca

i put a dollar bill in my pocket midway through my walk home with the intention of handing it to the homeless man named les who frequents the corner near my house. during my mile of thinking, i toiled with the question that i've considered since moving to the city. does giving a dollar to someone without a home promote the problem? am i encouraging the stranded, middle-aged man to return back to that very spot on the sidewalk day after day, rather than return home to his family in new orleans? or can a dollar, for him, turn around a day that is spent being torn down by the act of begging for a living? can a dollar tell a man that you acknowledge him as a human being, however invisible he might be to the rest of the world?

sunshine season.

on deck - home - napa, ca

the best things about the start of summer:

*ice cream afternoons

*fresh veggies from the garden

*suntanned shoulders and freckled faces

*shirtless babes

*watermelon

*warm evenings on the roof deck

*sitting in the shade

*napping in the sun

*the smell of sunscreen

*sleeping with the windows openes

*the forever excuse to thrown a bbq

easier to balance toward the bottom.

stacks - piles - napa, ca

heed my advice: the day you decide to focus on the friends who love you, rather than acquaintances who fill the cocktail times, you will find yourself happy. enriched. as you should be.

hmd.

roses - big ranch road - napa, ca

happy memorial day.

voltage. energy. wary wattage.

solar panels - trefethen - napa, ca

and just like that, in a vacant room with cobweb corners and beechwood panels, the lights turn on. you recognize the space, but it feels foreign in its dusty way. you trust your instincts because you've been honing them and relying on them your whole life--they being your sole trusted ally, as it were. this time, though, you resist an intense urge to flee, to forget that you'd stepped foot for a second time in the room where last you'd seen a ghost of yourself. sitting upright with fingers interlaced, you challenge yourself to be as present as possible. present and frightened and calm all at once.

consider it an inner-competition.

ice plant in bloom - boardwalk - sb, ca

it is completely possible to keep your head on straight while sporting a healthy-sized ego. the air that comes from being self-confident, if played correctly, can protect you from poisonous people and can actually lift others around you. so...

stand up for yourself.

communicate with conviction.

and never let anybody fuck with you.

BE EMPOWERED.

our sunset is abrewing.

telephone lines - near home - napa, ca

if you don't already, i suggest that you look into the work of paul madonna. his all over coffee is the only reason that i pick up the san francisco chronicle's pink section every sunday. and latey, i've been noticing that my photography has started to resemble his drawings. i'm under the influence.

left where there was right.

still place - trefethen - napa, ca

change your scenery.

change the music in your headphones.

change your habits.

change your life.

obadobado.

relaxed - rocky - napa, ca

i love that dog.

a lighter head held high.

california poppy isle - home - napa, ca

makeup plays a considerable role in my life. for me, someone who spends nine hours a day maintaining an image of glossy composure, being without a painted face and calculated wardrobe puts me in a place where i feel completely out of control. with clean skin and naked eyelashes, there is nothing to hide behind. and it is then, when i find myself feeling self-conscious, that i'm reminded of the preposterousness of it all.

once i get over it, once i settle into the idea that people are seeing what i actually look like, my headspace turns a corner. and around that block, i melt into an honest version of myself.

rest stop side of a dirt road.

purple piranthus - big ranch road - napa, ca

my head is somewhere else, and i'm just going to let it be for a few days. see what happens. see if it makes the proper decision to come back into its intended state.

snapback.

stacked posts - trefethen - napa, ca

go outside. take a picture. and actually have it developed. write the date in pencil on the back, and put it somewhere to rediscover years from now. title the photo as you see fit.